I am a pick up artist. I know what you’re thinking. I am an unethical, chauvinist, monster-dick-monster. I’m not. I am sex positive. There are times when I am in monogamous relationships. I actually prefer monogamy, but you can’t always get what you want. I know that sounds crazy because every woman is looking for a monogomus relationship right? Virtually all of them say that on their online dating profiles.
I think they say that as a way to stave off men who ask for sex before they say hello and out of fear of being slut shamed, but many women are just as terrified of commitment as men. These also seem to be the type of women I am attracted to. So when I am not in a monogamous relationship I have two choices. I can be celibate, that isn’t going to happen, or I can date. I choose to date and for me dating usually involves having sex. I am very honest too. I don’t pretend to be monogamous when I’m not. I don’t expect someone I am casually dating to be monogamous either. I’m not one of those guys that is not going to be able to “respect” someone who sleeps with me on the first date. I will use condoms and I will not impregnate you. I will take no for an answer and I will say no if I think you are drunk. I also don’t sleep with every women I meet. This might come as a severe shock especially for some of you who have actually met me in person, but I sometimes say no. Not only do I say no when I am not attracted to a woman, but when I think she says she is cool with me dating other women, but I suspect she is lying. That is probably the most difficult aspect for me, but I like my integrity.
“Flirting and Cruising are fine arts, and skills that you can learn even though few people develop them overnight”—The Ethical Slut, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. The Flirting and Cruising chapter in this book is a form of PUA. I think saying Hi, I’m Marc is often the most effective way to start a conversation, but it is still a pick up artist move.
I used to be really into Tony Robbins and I noticed that they used a lot of the same anchoring techniques that Tony Robbins used. I used them to make myself feel more confident and outgoing. I did it because I used to be in sales so I did it when I made cold calls. Yes some of the stuff like fire walks are just thermal lag bullshit, but there have been studies on changing your state through physiology. I quickly figured out that these techniques can help you get over your fear of rejection. The reason I didn’t really get into the PUA stuff is because I read all the time and I already read a lot of the stuff they were trying to instill in PUA literature. The PUA community calls that AA, Approach anxiety. You can really get rid of that AA if you just stand in front of a mirror for two minutes before you go out with your arms spread out like you just won the Boston Marathon. That’s not from PUA literature. That’s from a TED Talk on how to do better at a job interview. The concept is the same for meeting members of the opposite sex, but don’t confuse that with treating dates like job interview.
I didn’t even know I was a PUA until about a year ago. I was talking to some woman at a bar…correction…I did a card trick for a woman at a bar… and this guy pulled me aside and said hey you’re a PUA aren’t you? He didn’t say P-U-A he phonetically said PUA. I had no idea what he was talking about.
“What the hell is that like the male version of a Cougar? Am I that old?”
He told me that PUA meant pick up artist and he wanted to know who my favorite PUA guy was and what books I’ve read.
I said, “Christopher Hitchens is a god amongst gods. You should read his stuff,” because I’m an asshole. Just kidding, I didn’t say that, but it would have been hilarious. The truth is that I had no idea what he was talking about and I didn’t even know what to think of him labeling me as a PUA.
So I read a couple books, because I’m a book geek and that’s what book geeks do when they don’t know about something. The funny thing I noticed is that the further you get to the fringes of PUA the closer they seem to converge with feminists. Guys who say you should straight up tell a woman you want to fuck (not the best strategy by the way) have a few things in common with feminists. Roger Allen Currie says the reason why men become misogynistic is because they are lying about their true intentions and they wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated if they would just let a woman know they are sexually attracted to her and want to pursue something more than friendship. I think he makes a valid point and I’ve been saying that for years. If “nice guys” weren’t such pussies and afraid of rejection, they wouldn’t ever have the opportunity to be put in the “friend zone. In reality a guy can only put himself in the friend zone, a woman does not have the ability to put him in it. He didn’t use the term “friend zone,” but the point was the same.
I have now read three books and watched about two videos. If this makes me a PUA so be it. Some of it is ridiculous, some of it is practical, but most of it is just telling guys to get over their fear of rejection. In a different world where women weren’t slut shamed (another thing the PUA gurus advocate, but somehow the ignoramuses don’t get) things would be different. If it were more acceptable for women to ask men on dates or walk up to them at bars things would be different, but that is not the world we live in. Women usually don’t come up to guys they are interested in. Well thanks to my lord and savior the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that seems to be changing. I’m doing the OK Cupid thing and it’s amazing to me how little women write when they first message a guy. I mean I’m glad it’s more acceptable, but so many of them don’t know what they’re doing.
Hi.
Hi. How are you?
Good morning.
Women need a PUA community and it’s not their fault. A lot of them just don’t know how to go about “flirting and cruising.” Maybe we should call them FAC’s
I understand why women would be against negging, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with men or women embracing their sexuality. There are a lot of guys who are clueless on how to get a date, how to get a phone number, how to message a woman online, or even how to say hi. They are afraid of rejection and they have low self-esteems. People like that need information, unfortunately there are so many different methods that it’s ridiculous. The big thing now is the Natural method or whatever. This is the school of thought where the negging comes from, but it’s still old fashioned anchoring reframed. An attractive woman at a bar will get approached by several men. They say something stupid like You’re hot, can I buy you a drink, or some stupid line like did that hurt when you fell out of heaven? Most women are repulsed by this behavior. You can see their face cringe as if they ate a lemon. It happens to them all of the time.
Negging is doing the opposite of that, but most guys don’t understand it. They think if they say something really mean a woman is just going to jump in their pants. Have ever seen the Derren Brown episode when he pick pockets people. He says something to throw his victim off like “No the wall is not five feet tall?” It breaks the pattern. It throws them off guard. They don’t know what to expect, so he takes their wallet. Negging is just a variation of this. It throws them off guard. It’s not what they expect, not what they’re used to. It breaks the pattern. I will say that several times. What I mean by breaking the pattern is it circumvents the pre-existing anchors they already have hard wired into their neurology. This is NLP stuff. I use Darren Brown as an example because he is a magician who uses NLP in a lot of his tricks. Perhaps you’ve seen his one inch punch where he doesn’t actually touch someone. This is NLP.
Here is the trap PUA guys often fall into. I am a “nice guy” and I never get laid, therefore, if I become a “mean guy” I will get laid more. Here’s the thing, Geroge Clooney can get away with saying, “Your tits are nearly perfect.”—But you are not George Clooney! It also has nothing to do with you being nice anyway. It has to do with you breaking the pattern.
Here’s a better way to break the pattern, but first, do you see why it’s important to break down why these techniques exist? You can’t just absently mindedly read PUA mumbo jumbo and expect to get results. This is the same reason why lines don’t work. Ask her if you can buy her some shampoo but you really need to know what kind she likes first. I guarantee she won’t give you the sour lemon look after you ask that. I once got a number from a woman because I noticed that she had a studded purse. I said Hey I like your purse it’s really kinky. :) Is that negging? I guess it depends on your attitude about the kink community doesn’t it? Am I a monster for saying that?
Somewhere in the world of sex positive people there has to be a way to include men who choose to be single and ready to mingle. The PUA community is mostly filled with inexperienced neophytes who have no clue what they are doing. There shouldn’t be a PUA community. Having sex should be one of the most natural things in the world. Billions of guys are not pick up artists and they still have sex. The guys that are usually attracted to this are guys who have no philosophy they adhere to. They get a hodgepodge of different things and try to figure out what to do with conflicting information. Your mom tells you that if you get an erection while dancing make sure there is enough space between you and her so she does not feel it. Your religion says you’re going to hell for having lustful thoughts. Your school tells you that staring at a woman for more than seven seconds is construed as sexual harassment. I swear they told me this in high school. That’s just flirting. Is it any wonder why so many guys are so confused and complaining about how they can never get laid.
I have found is that saying I just want to be friends has the same effect as negging. It breaks the pattern. The difference is I’m not using this as a manipulative tactic. I really want to just be friends because I just got out of a relationship with a woman I really-really liked and I wasn’t over her. Rather than trying to go fuck ten other women, (GFTOW as the PUA community calls it) I decided I just wanted to meet ten women who I had similar interests with just to hang out—be friends. I swear it makes them want to GFM and I don’t know what to do now.
I thought about writing my own “PUA” book, but it would be a short book.
Be courageous, be charming and be funny.
That’s my PUA book. That’s it. That’s all it takes. I’ve told people this and they say well.. .yeah… but look at you and look at me. They have already broken the first rule. They are making excuses. Courageous people don’t make excuses. If you make excuses you don’t even have to try. If you never try, you are not courageous. I run five miles a day and I eat a pretty clean diet. If I never exercised and ate nothing but bacon, doughnuts, and ice cream I probably wouldn’t do so well either, but you can only do the best with what you have.
If you are not courageous then how will a woman ever know if you are charming or funny? The problem is she might not like you and most guys think that is the end of the world. It isn’t. That’s why you should be courageous. If you are courageous, charming, and funny and she still doesn’t like you find someone else who does. Rejection happens and it’s okay. You will get rejected at some point. I guarantee George Clooney has been rejected at some point in his life. You will to, just don’t let it destroy you.
